TAG

How strange is it to find so many people with same name as you, spelled exactly the same way you naively thought was quite unique and original?

Yes. I've been Googling myself. I was awestruck at the number of things that can be called...well, me! Am I having an identity crisis?

Anyway, the reason I Googled myself was because I had recently developed a friendship with another person online. And, strange as it may seem since I knowingly and willfully entered into this friendship and decided to pursue it, I've since developed into a witless 'closet' case. I pursue the friendship yet I don't allow it to catch hold of me. Like playing tag and being 'it' and chasing all the other kids around but not really wanting to actually 'tag' them. I hate that my friends are so right about me when they say I'm so darn afraid of being vulnerable. Damn it!

So why am I so itching to play tag when I obviously don't wish to follow the rules? Because once I tag somebody, then they get the chance to chase me. And I've never enjoyed being the prey. But isn't that what's so fun about playing tag?

I hate being afraid. I mean, let's face it, who isn't? Well, to be honest quite a lot of people actually. Because once the fear kicks in, adrenaline just goes flooding into your veins and it's a high like nothing else -- I've heard.

And there you go. I just lost all ideas about how to play tag. Do I let myself be tagged, or wait til I get chased? Do I tag someone else right away or just keep running around like crazy hoping that nobody's noticed you haven't tagged anybody yet? I'm just afraid people will realize I'M NOT VERY GOOD AT TAG. But shouldn't that make it more fun? And why ask all these questions you know the answer to? There is nothing you can do. People will tag you if they want to, run after you if they could. They'll let themselves be tagged by you or run like hell away from you. All you can do is run with your arms flailing out in front of you and let everything take its natural course.