Love, Love, Love

04 April 2007, Unsolicited posted by Winnifred

http://plunkert.blog.friendster.com/

these past few days, i’ve been thinking a lot. and since i can’t seem to wrap my head around the thoughts i’ve been trying to contain, i’ve been singing a lot.

strange.

a friend reminded me a few days ago how it’s better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all. yeah. i used to think i agreed with that, until he asked me to look it in the nose and say it in one breath. i don’t believe in it. even though i really want to (i think), i can’t. i don’t know if i can BE wrong about something so invaluable. i don’t know if i’d be willing to "have loved and lost". love is too precious. and too abused. turned too tepid. been dealt with too callously. i don’t want to be another who would do that to SOMETHING that has been my life’s blood.

but i still am wanting love, perfect or no. just now needing someone to knock my head senseless to give me some sense.

what is love anyway? do i dare discuss? all the songs never really give you a good idea of what it is, no matter how good the melody. poetic words only seem to manifest its emotions, but not really its life. here’s what i found from deep inside my head where the barump-bump suddenly made sense:

love is a verb. it is something that does. strange. love is choice. an act of will.

one now begs to argue, is there still love when a person does something unwillingly? is the love true when there is no sincerity? yes. i would say yes.

it’s easy to just look at everything from the surface. i think that’s pretty much how we function as human beings. it would drive us nuts if we tried to figure out the essence of every action, every thought. but it doesn’t mean that we never do. what are we here for?

doing something unwillingly, without sincerity, can be love. if the reason was to act in love. else, why would you do something you would not want to do if it wasn’t out of intimidation, fear, invevitability? some would say ‘loved’ ones can be quite intimidating. loving is intimidating. if you love someone, you won’t have any choice but to do what is asked, even if unwillingly. and is that love? true love? true love. true, if it is done in love and nothing else. not in basic human need which can be quite similar, or even in basic human want. it can be quite complicated since love can turn into both. but it doesn’t have to be. true or no, is it love? yes. loving IS intimidating, because it means laying down one’s freedom for the sake of another. if you love someone, you will do what is asked because you forego other options for the sake of another, and that’s ALL that you see. you won’t have a choice simply because you CHOSE it to be so. you love. the action is without sincerity, but the choice to do such insincere action for the sake of another is real. you love.

we love what we know. and i mean, KNOW. through and through. of course. what we know, simply is not part of our existence. and those we care to stop knowing, we don’t love, or have lost love.

and here, my thoughts pour out, of the past few days i have sung. there is no greater love than this, that one should lay down his life for another. ideally, it wouldn’t matter if we KNEW the other, through and through. but we are too human to be ideal.

to those i love, i do what i do, i hope for reasons you would understand. but i cannot always guarantee that.

i do for love. i do in love.

i have fallen. but i have not lost. no one has ever lost me. take my hand and lead me away.