The Art of Mendicancy

It is only three more days until I can sufficiently support my simple lifestyle of eat-sleep-breathing. It's surprising how far I've come whilst completely staying clear of spending. It is during these times of complete and utter stupidity-thus-resulting-to-pitiful-disgrace that one appreciates the simple things in life many usually ignore and take for granted.

Over the past few days, I have learned to appreciate the substantial nutritional value of soda crackers and the crisp smooth feel of crystal clear water on an empty stomach. They provide one with the necessary energy boost just when the heavy curtain of sleepy hypoglycemia threatens to overcome you in the middle of processing the tallest pile of papers this side of the world has seen. Just take note not to overindulge in all that crystal cleariness as it could very well bring about a searing ulcer that would burn a very unpleasant hole in your vain stomach.

Leftovers may also very well turn out to be one's greatest ally in this Darwinian fight. Raiding the fridge doesn't seem all that gross anymore once your stomach has emitted its most ornery rumble that the thickest sweater and arms crisscrossed twenty times can no longer muffle. It's also good to note with gratitude that one's stomach does not bear any capacity for visual perception, thus saving it from possible revulsion towards the kind of former edibles one can find seeking shelter in the cold, dark recesses of the refrigerator.

And of course, the human factor is perhaps the greatest contributor to one's chances in surviving the next few days.

Humans are a wasteful animal. A wise and patient hunter need only to sit quietly and wait for the veritable feast dropping from a human walking by and going along its own life, heedless of others. A slice of cake, a cookie, half a sandwich, and candies are just some of the treats one can snag from humans always buying too much, in too large a quantity, or humans on perpetually ineffective diets. Manifesting a worried brow, a wide-eyed melancholic stare, or the softest sigh might even score one a bonus of a completely unopened treat.

In the end, insurmountable as it may seem getting through the next three days in utter privation, we are all well equipped to fend for ourselves and suffer the consequences of our extravagant vanity.