It has become increasingly difficult for me saving money for my eventual date with destiny. And even with religious tips in my jar, it'd take me at least 4 years to get the money that I need to fly. What more with debts to pay, my new addiction to online vintage shopping, annual interest and the ever unpredictable inflation. I'm starting to have serious doubts I could ever get to il mio cuore.
I used to be able to save up quite easily for whatever I wanted, whether it was a vacation, the holidays, a new cellphone, a piece of furniture, or some new family emergency. Though it must be said that I have never been able to save a whole lot because something always came up. And logic states that money saved is money spent so, "Thar she goes!" My savings go under and I am left staring like Ahab wondering if it was all just some phantasm disturbing my consciousness.
Given this increasingly apparent failure of mine to currently jumpstart my fundraising for my eventual trip to Italia, I had to find a creative solution so as not to completely sound pathetic and unfaithful to the cause. I have resolved to prepare myself mentally instead, educating myself on common Italian phrases I would need to survive in the streets of Italia. I am also planning to read up on my Italian history, food, and the local culture of the places I wish to visit -- starting with Toscana.
That being said, I am hoping I can finally get rid of the guilt that has been eating me up as I slowly use up my savings.
I know, I know. It doesn't really solve my problem. It's just...
Right now, I feel the need to treat myself to something. Something that's immediately tangible. I need something to hold on to. I need my happiness to be apparent right now. Even if it is in something quite material and trivial and vain. I just need something to get me by.
Monday, September 21, 2009
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2 comments:
seems i'm so much better than you when it comes to saving. wehehe. the key to the problem is, keep yourself busy that you won't even have time to surf the net. i mean, the fact that i'm usually busy monday nights has helped tremendously in keeping me from buying stuff from the fishbowl. oh, and i like staying away from malls too. i dont even go out anymore just so i can save on taxi fare. or if i really have to, i walk. which is sooo much better because at least i'd get to exercise.
unfortunately for me, my computer has been in and out of the repair shop kaya parang na-balewala ang pagtitipid ko. kainis. and this, i really have to spend for. i tried to postpone it for some time, but the wedding video is still in the hard drive and i don't wanna show my face to raffy until i finish it. sigh...
somehow i thought that if i finally stopped fighting i might actually feel better. so i did something stupid (yet again) and caved in. and now, now i feel so much worse.
i've been so busy the past couple of years and driving myself insane that i've been work-shy (or phobia's more like it)lately. which is not to say i'm not busy. i've just been avoiding it more now.
i've been so confused about what i want to do and what i should do now that i've been doing a lot of pretty stupid stuff. and that's ME calling it stupid. ME!
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