A Survivor's Guide to Living the Life Not to Live

Coming out of a crippling online speed shopping experience nearly a week ago, it's been nerve-wracking trying to live off of my empty wallet and make it to my next salary. Not only did I have virtually nothing, I thought it would be the perfect time to step out of my diet and just abuse my appetite.

It wasn't that I didn't have the money to spend. It's that I didn't have a lot. I could still afford to go out and order that Big Mac with large fries, but how can I expect to get myself to Italia with all this heedless and needless spending going on?

I realize it's a completely bizarre case to argue after spending more than I was worth on funky vintage (which in some countries, by the way, is referred to as used) clothing about five minutes after receiving my salary. But what was a girl to do? Faced with the choice between looking good and surviving the rest of my life, there was only one choice to make. Every girl wants to look good, even on her death bed.

So where did Italia come in, in the midst of all this confusion between fashion and living? I'm ashamed to say it flew out of my mind at the first sight of a lovely pink blouse and a funky leather jacket. Then it came walloping back into my head once I added up all my purchases that I had to let out a deep inward groan that only the darkest, dankest bowels of the earth could hear. Then, having to wake up the next morning and realizing there were fifteen more days before I saw the light of my next salary, it was almost too much to bear.

Which is why I simply have to praise the Lord for family! Where would I be without them?

Thank God I was born last and that my elder siblings get paid more than me thus earning them the inalienable right to sport the bill. And I thank God that He created mothers so that they can take pity on their kids who need new pretty shoes that go well with their fabulous new clothes bought so imprudently within a span of ten minutes online, which means that there wasn't even opportunity to make sure that the fashionable purchases fit.

Mothers, being the amazing creatures God made them to be, will not only clothe your bare feet but also feed you and give you the money to spend to go and feed yourself too.

Oh God, what did I do to deserve this?

In any case, I am resolved to survive the remaining eight days without spending any more on food. Without spending period. (Forgive the redundance.) And I shall return any remaining amount left to me from the money bestowed upon me after subtle innuendos and blatant begging.

I shall pull the reins and take control. I'm gonna be a man, damn it! And I'm going to Italy. Someday.