12.29.2009

Where is my heart? Where has it gone?

I had gone and lost my heart. It slowly dried up til nothing was left but ashes, and the wind went and blew it all away.

The past few months have been hard. So many things happened after my father's passing. I fell in love, and out of love, worked through an epidemic, survived a flood, left home and almost every trace of my 27 year long mortality behind. Harder, still, that I had to endure it all without time enough to even blink. And so I didn't.

I stared unblinkingly, like seeing it all through someone else's eyes, I didn't really have any real idea of what was happening. It was much like a bad drama on t.v. where the lead just gets slammed with one tragedy after another. It all seemed so unreal.

I broke my heart. And before I could glue myself back up, it broke again. And again. And again. I can't recognize it anymore.

Where is my heart?

The holidays have proven much more difficult this year. It felt like a newspaper. Dry, gray, and flat.

Where is my heart?

The year nears its close. Thank God for that. 2009 has been the most heart-wrenching year I've ever lived through. Though it wasn't without its good, and such good there was like I've never seen, but so was the bad...the universe can't help itself.

Where is my heart?

I never thought I was so strong. Am I? I lost my heart in all this. I could not hold on long enough.

Where is my heart?