It's been nearly a year.
It isn't funny how I find myself here. Now. After nearly a year. A year!
It makes me sad thinking how much I've lost and how far I've gone and how nothing's been written. Am I no longer a writer?
It's a valid question. I have barely written anything of myself and my ideas, my adventures and mishaps. Whatever I've written is, essentially, nothing. Air. Spit. Sand. Ghost. And, I have had so much to write about and wanted so much to write about them. But when it came down to it, to words and coherence and logic, all energies went flying out the window and I died. Each and every time I died. I was content to be ghost, to be sand and spit and air. I flew this way and that and I had a crazy fun time and I was nothing.
It's fun being nothing. Having been spent and lost and forgotten. Thriving in others. Fungus. Shallow. Flighty. And sad.
I guess, at the end of the day, I still want to come home even if I've forgotten how.
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
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1 comments:
quite surprised you have a new entry. wasn't expecting one. i do visit this site once in a while even though i thought you already left it for good. don't ask me why.
but i'm glad you're back.
just wanted to say, i too don't feel like a filmmaker anymore. i've stopped making films. not that i don't try, hell i even cry to sleep sometimes because i keep staring at a blank page on my computer screen. it's like i've run out of ideas, or run out of things to say, and it scares the shit out of me. makes me feel like i've lost myself somehow.
it's been fun too. but i can't seem to get rid of this nagging voice in my head. and it depresses me.
so...i know this is a tired phrase but "i know what you mean."
i just hope we both find our way home.
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